If you want the gravy…

…You've got to get the biscuits!


My Six-Month Film Awards: 2017

2017 Six Month Best Picture

Time flies when you’re having fun, and even if I haven’t been having as much fun as I’d hoped – I’ve only seen 19 films for this year so far, compared with 35 this time last year – it’s still hard to believe it’s already time for this year’s Six-Month Awards.

Because I’ve seen so few films, I considered not doing them, but was persuaded to otherwise; partially for consistency’s sake (thank you, Maggie!), and partially because I love doing these posts. So let’s see what we’ve got!


  1. A Quiet Passion
  2. Kedi
  3. Wonder Woman
  4. Baby Driver
  5. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

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PAN Review – *½

I've always wondered what would happen if audiences booed instead of applauding to save Tinker Bell. Too bad this film didn't give us the chance to find out. (Source)

I’ve always wondered what would happen if audiences booed instead of applauding to save Tinker Bell. Too bad this film didn’t give us the chance to find out. (Source)

Oh, I’ve been waiting for a film like this. I’m going to rip this apart like a stray dog going at a T-bone. I’m going to pan Pan, bury Barrie, and right Wright’s wrongs.

In fact, I did so just after seeing it, in a series of texts to my friend Maggie. I originally just wanted to use screencaps of this conversation as illustrations for my review, but since they were written based on my fresh impressions of the film, I’ll use them as the foundation of my review.

And let me just say: thank you, Maggie, for wanting to hear more.

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CHAPPIE Review – **

Au Hasard, RoboCop. (Poster courtesy of Rob Pagenkopf.)

Au Hasard, RoboCop. (Poster courtesy of Rob Pagenkopf.)

What hath District 9 wrought?

For those who’ve been charting Neill Blomkamp’s painful career trajectory, it’s tempting to say that Chappie makes Elysium look like District 9, but the seeds of Chappie‘s badness are evident in District 9. What were secondary issues there–thin characters, logical gaps–here all but overrun the film’s strengths. It’s hard to explain just how incredibly, consistently stupid Chappie is, but I’ll do my best.

There are good things to be found here. On a technical level, it’s just fine. And as absurd as it is, it’s sincere, in a rather pathetic way. But the script–from two Oscar-nominated screenwriters–is so full of stupid characters, stupid situations, and stupid resolutions, that it makes you wonder if Die Antwoord (making their film debut) didn’t get a raw deal.

And given their performances, that’s saying something.

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If I’ve ruined your day already, well…blame it on the arthouse.

Anyway, I’m stoked as hell that Gaspar Noe has a new film coming. Irreversible is a horrifying, wrenching film–one of the most uncompromising portraits of assault I’ve ever seen. And Enter the Void is an out-and-out masterpiece. (I still haven’t seen I Stand Alone.) New Noe films don’t come quickly, so I consider this a real event.

And if you find this poster stomach-turning, well…it’s vintage Noe.

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days of future past poster A lot of people really liked this movie–with a 91% positive score on Rotten Tomatoes and an IMDb user score of 8.6 out of 10, it’s one of the most acclaimed superhero films to date. If you know me, you probably know why I began this review this way. I didn’t love this movie. Did I like it? Sure–*** is hardly a bad score, even if it puts it below Captain America and the Muppets. But I didn’t go crazy over it, and rather do my normal synopsis-and-analysis review (which, in this case, would be monstrously tedious), I’m just going to rattle off the reasons why. Continue reading