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MTV Movie Awards Results

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I forgot these were happening.

But loving film awards like I do, how could I not report the results?

(Winners and nominees from Wikipedia.)

Movie of the Year: The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

  • 12 Years a Slave
  • American Hustle
  • The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
  • The Wolf of Wall Street

Well, that’s…kind of lame. They actually nominate two of the year’s best films (who would’ve ever guessed they’d dare to nominate 12 Years?), and give it to a sequel that was, I felt, a solid step or two below the first film. Granted, these awards are meaningless, but still…you couldn’t at least have given it to Wolf? That was a much more memorable film.

Best Male Performance: Josh Hutcherson, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

  • Bradley Cooper – American Hustle
  • Chiwetel Ejiofor – 12 Years a Slave
  • Leonardo DiCaprio – The Wolf of Wall Street
  • Matthew McConaughey – Dallas Buyers Club

…what? Hutcherson was arguably the weakest performance here. I wasn’t wild about DBC, but…lame. I would mind this less if they hadn’t nominated legitimately great performances. At least they got Ejiofor on there. That counts for something, considering they gave movie of the year to 4 of the 5 Twilight movies.

Best Female Performance: Jennifer Lawrence, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

  • Amy Adams – American Hustle
  • Jennifer Aniston – We’re the Millers
  • Sandra Bullock – Gravity
  • Lupita Nyong’o – 12 Years a Slave

I mean, she was the only won who had a shot at winning this. Lupita getting nominated is enough.

Best Scared-As-Shit Performance: Brad Pitt, World War Z

  • Ethan Hawke – The Purge
  • Jessica Chastain – Mama
  • Rose Byrne – Insidious: Chapter 2
  • Vera Farmiga – The Conjuring

Uh…if you say so. I think Chastain and Farmiga were much better options. (MTV censors the word “shit”. I refuse to do so.)

Breakthrough Performance: Will Poulter, We’re the Millers

  • Liam James – The Way, Way Back
  • Margot Robbie – The Wolf of Wall Street
  • Michael B. Jordan – Fruitvale Station
  • Miles Teller – The Spectacular Now

I haven’t seen We’re the Millers. Jordan seems like the better choice (or Robbie), but whatever. Poulter was apparently really good in the third Narnia film a few years back, why not give it to him then?

Best On-Screen Duo: Vin Diesel & Paul Walker, Fast & Furious 6

  • Amy Adams & Christian Bale – American Hustle
  • Ice Cube & Kevin Hart – Ride Along
  • Jonah Hill & Leonardo DiCaprio – The Wolf of Wall Street
  • Matthew McConaughey & Jared Leto – Dallas Buyers Club

I get that this was mostly a tribute/sentimental vote. I can understand it (and the team chemistry made that movie a good deal more endurable), but Hill and DiCaprio should’ve won by a mile.

Best Shirtless Performance: Zac Efron, That Awkward Moment

  • Chris Hemsworth – Thor: The Dark World
  • Jennifer Aniston – We’re the Millers
  • Leonardo DiCaprio – The Wolf of Wall Street
  • Sam Claflin – The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Why the fuck not?

Best Fight: Orlando Bloom & Evangeline Lilly vs. Orcs, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

  • Jason Bateman vs. Melissa McCarthy – Identity Thief
  • Jennifer Lawrence, Josh Hutcherson & Sam Claflin vs. Mutant Monkeys – The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
  • Jonah Hill vs. James Franco & Seth Rogen – This Is the End
  • The Cast of Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd, Steve Carell and David Koechner vs. Other Newscasters)

Really? Okay, admittedly, the Anchorman battle was just a super-sized imitation of the battle in the first film, but it was funny as shit. And if not that, then The Hunger Games.

Best Kiss: Emma Roberts, Jennifer Aniston & Will Poulter, We’re the Millers

  • Ashley Benson, James Franco & Vanessa Hudgens – Spring Breakers
  • Jennifer Lawrence & Amy Adams – American Hustle
  • Joseph Gordon-Levitt & Scarlett Johansson – Don Jon
  • Shailene Woodley & Miles Teller – The Spectacular Now

Oh, FUCK YOU. Nominate Spring Breakers and then not vote for it? Horseshit.

And not the Lawrence-Adams kiss (which was apparently Adams’ idea. It’s still kind of random)? I’d have thought that was a shoo-in.

#WTF Moment: Leonardo DiCaprio, The Wolf of Wall Street

  • Cameron Diaz – The Counselor
  • Channing Tatum & Danny McBride – This Is the End
  • Johnny Knoxville & Jackson Nicoll – Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa
  • Steve Carell, Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd & David Koechner – Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues

Finally, a good choice. Though I will say that Diaz’s WTF moment in The Counselor is very WTF.

Best Villain: Mila Kunis, Oz the Great and Powerful

  • Barkhad Abdi – Captain Phillips
  • Benedict Cumberbatch – Star Trek Into Darkness
  • Donald Sutherland – The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
  • Michael Fassbender – 12 Years a Slave

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

A: Kunis wasn’t very good. Her makeup was awful, the writing was dumb…she was not a good or memorable villain at all.
B: Who the fuck remembers that movie anyway? It made some money, but it seems to me it faded from memory pretty quickly.
C: Literally any of the other contenders would’ve been a better choice. Cumberbatch was an iffy piece of casting, but come on–where were the Cumberbitches?
D: Michael Fassbender. Game over.

Best Musical Moment: Backstreet Boys, Jay Baruchel, Seth Rogen & Craig Robinson, This Is the End

  • Jennifer Lawrence – American Hustle
  • Leonardo DiCaprio – The Wolf of Wall Street
  • Melissa McCarthy – Identity Thief
  • Will Poulter – We’re the Millers

Whatever. I thought the ending to that film was kind of dumb (and played into the weirdly messagey tone it took on in the last act), but at least they didn’t take Lawrence. That scene was so fucking stupid.

Though really…this scene wasn’t good enough?

(Apologies for the quality.)

Best Comedic Performance: Jonah Hill, The Wolf of Wall Street

  • Jason Sudeikis – We’re the Millers
  • Johnny Knoxville – Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa
  • Kevin Hart – Ride Along
  • Melissa McCarthy – The Heat

I’m totally on board with this. Also…wow, what a shitty lineup. Knoxville’s the only one that seems even remotely worthy.

Best On-Screen Transformation: Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club

  • Christian Bale – American Hustle
  • Elizabeth Banks – The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
  • Matthew McConaughey – Dallas Buyers Club
  • Orlando Bloom – The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

I have issues with the Leto performance, but I guess this isn’t too bad (it’s not like these are awards with any credibility). Bale was a better choice, though.

Best Cameo: Rihanna, This is the End

  • Amy Poehler & Tina Fey – Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
  • Joan Rivers – Iron Man 3
  • Kanye West – Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
  • Robert De Niro – American Hustle

I don’t even remember what Rihanna did in that movie. De Niro, on the other hand, was great. So I don’t get this one.

Best Hero: Henry Cavill, Man of Steel

  • Channing Tatum – White House Down
  • Chris Hemsworth – Thor: The Dark World
  • Martin Freeman – The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
  • Robert Downey Jr. – Iron Man 3

I like this choice. That movie was underrated and Cavill was excellent in it. Plus, the competition was pretty limp–no Ejiofor? No Sandra Bullock? Weird. (Also, I just realized Gravity was almost totally overlooked. You’d think that would win “Scared-As-Shit Performance” easily.)

Favorite Character: Beatrice “Tris” Prior, Divergent

  • Katniss Everdeen – The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
  • Khan Noonien Singh – Star Trek Into Darkness
  • Loki Laufeyson – Thor: The Dark World
  • Veronica Mars – Veronica Mars

I admit, I don’t know the MTV Awards’ eligibility period. But…why would they not go with Katniss? That just doesn’t make sense to me.

So yeah, that was a thing that happened. I got nothing, really. I just needed to distract myself with some bullshit.

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